To my left, I am looking out to an amazing view of Biscayne Bay bathed in the tropical sun, magnificent brilliant white thunderheads climbing towards the heavens and the occasional pleasure boat speeding by. A view that someone would pay millions for if it was a luxury condo.
However, I am sitting in a hospital room on the 5th floor of Mt. Sinai hospital on Miami Beach.
To my right, is Mike. Miami Mike. Iron Mike. My dad who turns 79 this Sunday 11/11. God willing.
He started to loose his battle with lung cancer after Labor Day of this year and the decline has been alarmingly fast just over the past two weeks. We learned the cancer left his lungs and moved into his spine in September. All the fun complications have been rapidly piling on…blood clots, infections, and pain. So much pain. 6 months ago, he was still running 6 days a week, taking Sunday off as he has been doing for the past 40+ years. Just a week and half ago he was no longer able to shuffle around with his walker with us on Lincoln Road mall to get his beloved Starbucks coffee (Tall, two and half sugars and enough half-and-half to make it light) being confined to a wheel chair.
Now he lies next to me, sleeping deeply in a hospital bed, softly snoring. A sound I am afraid I will not be able to hear much longer. See, it is all the little things that really start to matter. The things I would normally see as a nuisance or complain about. Now they take on a whole new meaning.
The gift is that I made amends to him a long time ago for all the harm I caused while I was out there “finding myself”. There is a peace between us and we say “I love you” freely. There has no weight of serious regret.
That is not say that I do not have any would of’s or could of’s. I wish spent more time with him is of course top of that list.
The man to my left, along with my Mom who awaits for his return in heaven, gave me life twice. First by bringing me into this world. Second, by stopping all the enabling, letting me hit bottom and then welcoming me back with unconditional love providing the help I needed.
I pray everyday I can shower Debbie, Jack and Max with that same unconditional love. I pray I can continue to work on being fully present with them and throughout the day. Not letting the little things blind me of what is truly important. Looking for all the beauty in the day as my friend Strauss says.
Life is short as I am reminded looking to my right.
Looking to my left, I am reminded that there is an amazing amount of beauty in each and every moment. I just have to open my eyes and not waste it.
Pa's Bouncing Ball 